Tuesday, December 23, 2008

How to Shoot a "Naked Gear Review" -Part I

LinkWith 2008 quickly coming to an end, there are several Big Ring Racing team members who may be looking for a new team to race for next year. It seems as though Phat Tony, King, Golonghardman, Coco and Zamboni have forgotten their agreed upon contractual terms of agreement: at least one naked gear review before the year is up. With only a few days left, I hope the boys get some new gear under the tree that they can review. Here's a little help to get you started . . . .

How To Do A Naked Gear Review
(not to be confused with the children's story book of the same name)
- by the original big ring

Get Comfortable:


First, you've got to feel comfortable and relaxed in front of the camera. No one wants to see some one all stiff (if you're into that sort of thing you need to look at other places on the internet) and uptight. I like to loosen up my going in my backyard and bouncing on the trampoline for a wee bit wearing nothing but a ten gallon cowboy hat. It feels good and my neighbors love it. But with it being winter and stuck indoors, I like to pretend I am an animal, wild and free. Rwooooar!

Loosen Up:

Next, I like to limber up so that I feel loose and won't pull a muscle while I get into my poses.

The calf muscles are especially important to stretch. Doesn't my bottom look taut!?!

Reveal Your Goods Without Blinding Anyone Permanently:

Face it, if you're as ugly as me, no one wants to see you naked. So, you're going to have to use some sort of "blocking" device to cover up your junk or be prepared for people to send you nasty e-mails telling you to put your clothing back on.

You must decide how generous, or modest, you are going to be with your cover ups.

Here I am in one of my earliest 'naked gear reviews'. I was fairly modest with my rectangle. What can I say, I was feeling a bit shy being new to the 'naked gear review' thing, the basement was also very cold that day so there was 'shrinkage' involved - hence the smaller square.

Here I am wearing a very nice vest that I picked up in Switzerland this past summer

The shot above, however, I was feeling relaxed and the workshop was at room temperature allowing me to 'hang' how I normally do. Hence, the need for an appropriate sized rectangle.

Penis nosed elves are perfect "Ewwww! My eyes! They burn!" shields

Also, don't limit yourself to just using black squares and rectangles. See More on this in tomorrow's Part II.


Lighting is very important. The above shot is during a review I am working on for my lighting system. It didn't work so well. When shooting outdoors, make sure you do so in enough light.

The sun is providing perfect lighting to show off my lilly, white taut bum as I ride off in the distance on my Vassago Jabberwocky.

Choose a Theme For Your Review:

Besides the obvious , I have a running theme in all my reviews: I am wearing my helmet, socks and shoes, and sometimes gloves and glasses. Wardrobe changes are important too. Notice I am wearing different items in my photos? It keeps the reader coming back for more, "What won't he be wearing this time!?"

* Part II of "How to Shoot a 'Naked Gera Review'" is tomorrow.

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